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Permission to Speak – Leadership Blog – Kelly Vandever Interviews Corey Kupfer on Building Authentic Relationships – Part 1


Permission to Speak

Leadership Video Blog & Podcast

Hosted by Leadership Communications Expert Kelly Vandever

Permission to Speak is the video blog and podcast that loiters at the intersections of leaders who want their people to speak up, technology that facilitates connections, and results that serve an organization’s higher purpose.

Our guest for this episode:  Corey Kupfer

About Corey Kupfer:

Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, dealmaker and business consultant with more than 30 years of professional negotiating experience as a successful entrepreneur, and attorney. The founder and president of Authentic Enterprises, and the Authentic Business Academy, Corey is dedicated to inspiring authenticity in business through speaking, training and consulting on topics such as authentic negotiating, authentic deal-making, building authentic business relationships, and authentic conversations about difference.

In his book, Authentic Negotiating: Clarity, Detachment & Equilibrium – The Three Keys to True Negotiating Success & How to Achieve Them, Corey draws on decades of experience effectively negotiating business deals and disputes to reveal the real, internal work it takes to become a truly great negotiator.  For more information on Corey, you can go to www.coreykupfer.com where you can find out more about his programs and services and where you can take a free 10 question assessment that will let you know whether you are an authentic negotiator and how you might improve.

Topics Discussed:

– Being authentic during business negotiations

– Difference between total transparency versus authenticity

– You have to do the internal work to understand what’s important to you and why so that you can come to relationships and negotiations with authenticity

– If you don’t do the internal work, it’s hard to show up authentically and to get what you want

– 5 tenants of building authentic relationships

– Tenant #1:  Give first, without expectations of getting a return

– Give first isn’t a tactic, it’s a way of being

– People sense when you’re not being authentic

– Instead of masking your body language, show up authentically!  Then you don’t have to worry the signals you’re sending out

– Identify your vision and purpose

– Play a game bigger than yourself, rather than being just self-focused

– Get away, take a step back so you can do your vision work

– Corey recommends the 5-3-1 approach to creating a vision.  What does your life look like 5 years out?  Create the vision as if you’re there.  Put yourself in the present, 5 years in the future.  Draw what you see.  (no artist skill needed, draw don’t judge)  Write a narrative of what you see. Then think of year 3, and ask yourself, what must happen by year three for year five to be true.  Then work yourself back to year 1.  Then break it down by quarter.  The task I need to do today is not just about holding the quarterly goal, it’s about tying to the long term goal.

– Part of authenticity is finding out what’s true for you

– Don’t be 100% transparent if that doesn’t sit well for you

– As a leader, considering sharing your personal goals with your people

– Leaders are worried that if they encourage their people to get clear about their visions and goals and what they want, that the employees will leave the company.   But the truth is that if you don’t do that, they’re going to leave otherwise.  Or worse, they stay but they basically quit while they’re still employed.

– If you’re uncomfortable, start small.  Share a family goal or a situation that you’re excited about or proud about in your life.  Share about the causes you care about.  Relatively safe, but moving beyond just business.

– Tenant #2:   Care and be interested

– You should care.  Listen.  Ask follow up questions.

– As a leader, you set the tone.  You make it OK to open up and be authentic.

– When you open up, you invite your people to share their purpose and their why.

– Sharing experiences from our early days can be a way for people to open up and explore why they are the way they are now and believe what they believe.

– Over time you build the muscle up for sharing and being authentic.

Questions Answered:

How can I build better business relationships?

How can I be more authentic at work?

How can we connect better in the workplace?

What can I do as a leader to build better relationships?

What’s the difference between transparency and authenticity?

Can you be authentic when negotiating?

If you’re uncomfortable being your authentic self at work, what can you do to overcome that?

How can a leader create a more authentic workplace?

How can a leader encourage employees to bring their real self to work?

Book Recommended:

Authentic Negotiating: Clarity, Detachment & Equilibrium – The Three Keys to True Negotiating Success & How to Achieve Them by Corey Kupfer